It's A Different Type Of Loss

"Miss Sunshine" was an appropriate nickname for New York City Police Detective Shantay Neal-Baker, EOW 8/14/2021. Her sister Trina Neal-Mitchell explains how she had an undeniable ability to see the positive, flip the situation, and convince you to see the positive. She always saw the good in everybody. When Trina talks about her sister, she is most proud of how she set out to change the narrative of policing, especially in the rougher areas of New York City. Trina said, "She wanted to go into the troubled communities and be the person who built bridges and established trust. She wanted to erase the negative stereotypes that certain communities had about law enforcement." When her sister succumbed to complications from COVID-19, Trina made it her mission to make sure that everything that was good about her sister lived on. “Tay Day” was created and is now held around September 17th, Shantay’s birthday. "Tay Day" is a day for the community to gather and gain resources that empower people of all ages. Some of the resources available are reading circles sponsored by the Department of Education and public library, wellness screenings from the American Cancer Society, and a Lupus Walk held in Shantay’s name as she was once an ambassador of the Lupus Foundation. Trina started attending her local Metro New York C.O.P.S. chapter meetings, now serving as Trustee. “When we get that call that another officer has fallen, we go to the family and let them know we will cry with you and be there with you. We are proof that you don’t ever forget, but you can take your pain, and you can get to the other side of it,” Trina said. “We empower each other.” Trina has also taken on the role of committee chair for “Friendsgiving”, which is an event that invites all local law enforcement personnel who play a role in lifting up survivors to gather for a meal and allow the survivors to say, “thank you.” Trina said, “We want to make them smile.” To her fellow survivors, Trina says, “You owe it to your hero to put one foot in front of the other. I want you to love on yourself and do something that your hero would want you to do for yourself. They want you to be happy and healthy. You’re not being disloyal to them to hit pause on the pity party. Leave it there for a moment and laugh again. Do something beautiful for you as a gift to you from your loved one.” Trina Neal-Mitchell Surviving Sibling of Detective Shantay Neal-Baker New York City (NY) Police Department EOW 8/14/2021 #SurvivorStories

I was overwhelmed with the amount of support available throughout my entire experience, from our honor guard from Cook County taking care of every need to the Illinois COPS program making sure that my family and I were Ok. Without Illinois C.O.P.S., there's no way that I would have been able to attend such an exceptional emotional event honoring my late husband, Allen Giacchetti. I also need to extend my sincere gratitude to Caitlyn and Debbie from Illinois and the entire C.O.P.S. organization; none of this would have been possible without them. I will be forever grateful. Angela Giacchetti Surviving Spouse of Officer Allen Giacchetti Cook County (IL) Sheriff's Office EOW 4/30/2021 #SurvivorStories

My Brother, Deputy Brandon J. Nielsen was a police officer for St. John the Baptist Parish in Laplace, Louisiana. He was killed in the line of duty on August 16th, 2012. Brandon was a cops’ cop, loved what he did, and loved being a part of his community. Brandon loved his motorcycles and always said he was making it do what it does, in his Louisiana accent. Brandon was a jokester and can be so crude, but so loving at the same time. He was and still is the best brother I could ever ask for. Anyone would be so lucky to have met and been a part of his life. He left behind 2 daughters who were 6 and 13 when he was killed, 3 step-sons, our parents, and 1 niece who was 3 at the time of his death. There isn't a day that goes by that he is not missed or talked about. I hope I am making him proud every day. I was introduced to the C.O.P.S. organization exactly 1 year after my brother was killed. I attended Sibling's retreat in 2013 for the first time and at first, was not wanting to be there. I am such a people person, but being there thinking I was the only one who suffered such a great, tragic loss was not something I wanted to re-live again and again. Being there in 2013, I realized that I was not alone, I was no longer the "only child", and I met other siblings who were going through the same thing I was. My brother's death was felonious and having to go through the court system was not fun, but knowing others were going through the same thing, really did help me. I have attended Siblings Retreat every year after that and found my group of siblings my brother left me after his untimely death. Each year I went with different feelings, and my "Siblings" were there every step of the way to make sure I was not alone in those thoughts. They really helped me through my healing process and some of them were even at my wedding in 2021, attended my wedding, and even officiated my wedding. I felt as though my brother was there the entire time because I was able to share that special day with my newfound Siblings that came from my brother. Without the C.O.P.S. organization and the Hands-On-Programs of Siblings Retreat, I do not know where I would be physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I cannot thank this organization enough for healing me when I needed healing, protecting me when I needed protection, and helping me navigate through this new life I was given. I cannot thank this organization enough for having me not be the "only child" anymore, and for bringing me the people I needed the most to go through life together and love on and be loved on. Thank you C.O.P.S and all my Siblings for saving my life. JJ Granger Surviving Sibling of Deputy Brandon J. Nielsen St. John the Baptist Parish (LA) Sheriff's Office EOW 8/16/12 #SurvivorStories

I’m the daughter of Officer Charles D. Cole Jr., a long time officer at the Nassau County Police Department in New York. My Dad helped with rescue and recovery at ground zero after 9/11 and succumbed to 9/11 related brain cancer that spread throughout his body on August 14, 2011. Before his cancer diagnoses, my Dad was full of life, had an amazing sense of humor and was always referred to as a cops cop. He was always making jokes and pulling pranks, and loved his job with a passion. Not only was he a police officer, but he was also a firefighter and started off as an EMT in NYC, so he did it all. Once he became sick, the strong funny guy we all knew and loved slowly faded away, the hardest part of this all was watching him turn into another person, practically helpless. It was heartbreaking, especially when you’re only 15/16 and have your whole life with him ahead of you. I often think about the what if’s and how life would be with him here. It’s hard, but I know he’s with me every day. I’ve met so many amazing people after my Dads passing and C.O.P.S has also been a huge support system for my family. It’s a beautiful thing to have a family in blue also, I appreciate every one of them. I will always honor my father and will always proudly back the blue. Meagan Cole Surviving Adult Child of Officer Charles Cole Jr. Nassau County (NY) Police Department EOW 8/14/2011 #SurvivorStories

"To all, I am so sad to tell you that June Murdock, Surviving Co-Worker of Alexandria (LA) Police Officers Jeremy 'Jay' Carruth, David Ezernack, EOW 2/20/2003 and Patrolman Brian Coleman 2/21/2007, passed away last night around 9 PM. June was an incredible lady who gave so much of herself to others. She spent her whole life in service to others. Her goal at National Police Week (NPW) was to find the new survivors who looked the most lost to make them more comfortable and to make it just a bit easier for them. And she did. What a gift she was to C.O.P.S. and many of us personally. She will be so missed. I know many of you worked very closely with her and the volunteers at NPW. My deepest condolences to all who knew and loved her, especially her husband Rusty,  her family, and her best friend Ms. Pat." - Dianne Bernhard, Executive Director of Concerns of Police Survivors

Growing up, Gabrielle (Leon) and Wyatt Woodrell shared a bond that many youths in America would never think about; both had their father die in the line of duty. Gabrielle and Wyatt met each other while in attendance at C.O.P.S. Kids Camp. The pair have always been close and knew that they could always reach out to one another for support when they needed it. Knowing that they had a peer who truly cared and understood what they were going through made all the difference in their respective grief journeys. “In every different phase of life there is always this unspoken thing," Gabrielle said. "You hit a new life milestone and dad’s not here. While this is happening, I think it is a very special thing that when I hit these milestones, I have someone next to me who understands because they are going through the same exact things.” Since meeting at Kids Camp in 2005 their relationship has blossomed and the happy couple find themselves building their lives together as they are now married. Through C.O.P.S. and their relationship, Gabrielle and Wyatt have been able to find support and continue to build their lives. Both have begun mentoring at C.O.P.S. Kids Camp to assist the organization, and child survivors in any way they can. “I just felt the need to give back, it was something I knew I needed to do," Wyatt said. "Kids Camp had and still has such a significant impact on me. I remember having amazing mentors to look up to and lean on and that’s what I want to be for my groups, I want to provide them with hope and encouragement.” Moving forward, both Gabrielle and Wyatt want to continue to be involved with C.O.P.S. Kids Camp Gabrielle and Wyatt Woodrell Surviving Children of Cleveland (OH) Police Officer Wayne Leon, EOW 6/25/2000 & Pawnee County (OK) Sheriff Dwight C. Woodrell, Jr., EOW 10/13/2001

Susan Green remembers her husband, Oklahoma Highway Patrol Captain George Green, Jr., EOW 10/26/2010, as someone who was always dedicated to his career in law enforcement. Even on the blind date they were set up to meet on. “He broke our first date to work a vehicular homicide of a 16-year-old boy who was hit and killed while riding his bike,” Susan said. “He thought he knew who did it so on his day off, he drove around to find the van, got a warrant, and the suspect was arrested. So, he broke our first date.” They would officially go out four days later, fell in love, and were married in 1981. Susan says George loved being a trooper. He was dedicated to his profession, but he was also a loving, caring, hands-on dad to their two sons. “After his accident I was lost. My faith in God calmed me and helped me have some sort of peace. My boys became my rock,” Susan said, explaining other family, friends, and neighbors also stepped in to help. Susan got involved with the Oklahoma C.O.P.S. Chapter, where she served as Chapter President. “It has helped me heal to be there for new survivors. I hope I make the grief process easier,” Susan said. “It is hard to have hope when it first happens, but I hope I help them see that life will get easier.” Susan continues to attend National Police Week so she can help families through such an emotional week. On the law enforcement side, she works with the Warrior’s Rest Foundation where she has learned so much more of the struggles her husband kept to himself. “My first event as Oklahoma C.O.P.S. President was a Traumas of Law Enforcement Training. I remember hearing things and thinking ‘my husband did that,’ and I didn’t understand that he was dealing with traumatic memories,” Susan said. “The more I learned, I knew there was a need that Warrior’s Rest could be part of the answer.” To her fellow survivors, Susan wants everyone to remember to be kind to yourself, especially in the first year. “At my first retreat, I saw spouses who were 10 to 20 years out from their officer’s death. They were laughing and that gave me hope that it may not always be so hard,” Susan said. “Understand that some days, just getting out of bed is an accomplishment. Don’t feel like you have to be strong all the time.” Susan Green Surviving Spouse of Captain George Green Jr. Oklahoma Highway Patrol EOW 10/26/2010 #SurvivorStories

Sheila Jones’ life was going down a different career path when she saw a police and fire department recruiting ad from the city of Fredericksburg (VA). Sheila was immediately interested, but took note the department lacked diversity. With no other African American on the force, Sheila didn’t think she stood a chance. That all changed when she got the call, passed all tests, and made the Fredericksburg Police Department her home for 30 years. A wife and mother of two, Sheila had found her passion. She worked her way up in the ranks. Serving as Late Shift Watch Commander on June 8, 2008, a “BOLO” was released for an armed suspect involved in a domestic incident. Sheila responded and her friend and co-worker, Officer Todd Bahr, provided back up. As the suspect fled, a gunfight ensued, ending with the suspect taking his own life. As the scene cleared, Sheila and other responding officers found that Officer Bahr had been shot and killed. “After the shooting, I had the initial feeling of guilt. This was the first officer that had died in the line of duty in 44 years in our department and being the supervisor in charge, I felt that I was responsible,” Sheila said. “After counseling and prayer, I realized that we all were where we were supposed to be and others could have been hurt or killed if we were not.” Sheila’s husband, Keith, also served with the department and stood by her. In 2009, along with their agency’s support, they created “Team Fredericksburg” for Law Enforcement United (LEU) to ride in honor of their fallen friend. Officer Bahr’s mother, Kathy, also joined the team. Sheila and Keith have been involved ever since LEU’s inception, serving in different support and fundraising roles. After retiring in 2013, Sheila worked as a part-time Deputy with the Fredericksburg Sheriff’s Office and took on the role of President of the entire LEU Virginia Division. “Every year, I am so proud to see the members of LEU come together for such a worthy cause, knowing that each person there has a story of why they are there,” Sheila said. “Each and every person there is supporting the families of the fallen officers and doing something to help them and show that they care." As one of the original members of LEU, Sheila has been a large part of how much the organization has grown. She looks forward to watching each team grow and new divisions expand across the nation so they can increase support to C.O.P.S. and the other law enforcement organizations they support. Sheila Jones Surviving Co-Worker of Officer Todd Bahr Fredericksburg (VA) Police Department EOW 6/6/2008 #SurvivorStories

If you have attended C.O.P.S. Kids Camp as an attendee, volunteer, staff member or even as a visitor there is a good chance that you have seen or heard the Renegade Pigs and the Wisconsin C.O.P.S. Chapter. Furthermore, if you have then you have more than likely been introduced or assisted by either John or Nicole Hefley. From handing out sheets and towels on day one of camp, to serving ice cream to the campers on Law Enforcement Night, the Hefleys are heavily involved with providing support at Kids Camp. “We truly enjoy being able to assist with Kids Camp every year," Nicole said. "Being able to provide support and give back is so important, and getting involved with the chapter has allowed us to assist at an even deeper level.” Yes, John and Nicole provide an abundance of support and assistance through C.O.P.S. Kids Camp, but that is not all they do. Since getting involved with Kids Camp, John and Nicole have had co-workers die in the line of duty. Thus, changing their status from supporters to survivors. “After we had a co-worker die in the line of duty, we knew we had to get more invested into the organization,” John said. Nicole has gone on to hold various positions within their local Wisconsin Chapter, allowing her to assist survivors not only at Kids Camp, but through their chapter as well. As for the future, John and Nicole look to continue to assist C.O.P.S. and provide support for the organization’s mission in any and every way they can. Nicole and John Hefley Surviving Co-Workers of Officer Michael Michalski, EOW 7/25/2018 & Officer Mark Lentz, EOW 9/18/2019 Milwaukee (WI) Police Department #SurvivorStories