








This life has taken me on many paths, but they all seem to lead back to one main road called 'Grief.' I have lost my mother, my older brother Brian, and now my oldest brother Greg. My grief road, while too often dark, cold, and lonely, it always leads me back to a place where I find my loved ones' memories and so I walk this road willingly because I know they will be there. I don't have to explain the pain death causes; the anguish or emptiness, because anyone who's lost someone knows it is indescribable. I am truly convinced there are no words to express the pain, suffering, and sadness one feels when they lose a loved one. It lasts a lifetime and it is carried in the part of your soul you didn't know existed until you lose someone.
The details and events that led up to Greg's passing are weak in my mind and in the distant recesses of my brain, maybe for protection or self-preservation, but more so I think because that's not what defines his life. I refuse to have Greg dead in my mind. While I do think about his funeral and the events surrounding his death, my memories of Greg on any given day will range from when we were kids to the last conversation I had with him while he was in the hospital. There are so many memories that make me smile, I refuse to define his life only by his death. I heard once that "you should make it so when someone remembers you, they smile; that they were touched by you and left with something to cherish. When you do that, you continue to live inside the minds and hearts of others." Part of what helps me heal is the memories that make me smile and know he does live deep in my heart. Greg was many things to many people, but to me, he was simply my brother, and he took no greater place in this world than in that title.
I, like most people, didn't just lose my brother; I lost the life that was with my brother here on earth. I lost the part of me that only he knew, the part of my story where he was the co-author. I lost family traditions, I lost a particular family dynamic, and I lost a part of my father who is the only one I have left of my immediate family. No one is the same after such a great loss; how can you be?
I couldn't have gotten through one day after losing my brother if it wasn't for my faith and relationship with God. God has been my comforter and He has brought me peace and the promise I will see Greg again. I can also testify to the fact He brings beauty from ashes. Of all the things I could say I've lost in losing my brother, what I do have is my brother's family; his wife and three children. I see him through them in every interaction and they are what reminds me that his love still exists. And along this journey, I've been blessed with meeting some truly amazing people and have developed some amazing friendships and bonds. I've met so many people that knew and worked with Greg. I get to hear their stories of him and to feel their love for him. I get Greg back with every interaction and with every story, and that means so much now. Through the C.O.P.S. organization, I've met others on the same 'Grief' road. I've received support, resources, networking, and love for my brother in keeping his memory alive, all of which have been life-changing. I think feeling such love and understanding from those who will never know my brother is the ultimate form of therapy and has helped me as I grieve. I miss Greg, and most days I'll stare at his picture and ask myself, "how is he gone?!?" It doesn't seem real and I know generally my denial is what keeps me living life; however, that is defined now.
As his sister, it is often said that siblings are the forgotten ones. That is true, but if my new role is taking care of his family or my father and others, I'm ok with that. I loved my brother and even after his death, I want to continue to show the world just how much he meant to me. So I will be forgotten, just so he is not.
Karen Santangelo
Surviving Sibling of
Officer Gregory Santangelo
Frederick (MD) Police Department
EOW 12/28/2021
Hands-On Program Sponsors
Conference & Training Sponsors