Everyone Grieves Differently - #SurvivorStories

My first National Police Week was 22 years ago, in 2003, and I was completely unprepared for the impact it would have on my life’s trajectory. I attended as a newly trained peer from my agency, not fully understanding what National Police Week (NPW) involved or looked like, and just hoping to support others. Little did I know how much I would be helped by others. That week was the most amazing and exhausting experience of my life, fundamentally changing me as a person. I had never witnessed such incredible moments of honor and respect, nor had I ever been exposed to such profound grief and emotion. Police Week 2003 altered the course of my life and career. Inspired by the incredible families and coworkers of survivors, I soon stepped into a full-time role of peer support at my agency and eventually became the Director of Support Services at NPW from 2006 to 2016. Along the way, I also became a surviving coworker, having lost several friends to line-of-duty deaths in 2011 and 2012. The relationships and experiences I gained through NPW were vital in emotionally preparing me to handle those difficult years. If this is your first NPW, I hope to help you prepare for the events that the week brings. One of the hardest things to explain about Police Week is the profound pageantry surrounding both the Candlelight and Memorial Services. There are sights and sounds that will forever be etched into your memory. Whether you come from a small department or a large metropolitan area, Police Week is the only event where thousands of officers from across the country and the world come together to pay respect to our fallen heroes. I truly believe that the Candlelight Service is something every law enforcement officer should attend at least once in their life. Amid the day-to-day chaos of being a police officer, we often lose sight of the honor that this job deserves—that the call to public service is a true sacrifice for both the officers and their families. The Candlelight Service is a moment where tens of thousands gather to honor the fallen, allowing you to visually grasp what the thin blue line represents. Standing shoulder to shoulder with thousands, holding a candle during a moment of silence, you will understand that the Blue Family is much more than you ever imagined; it’s a living and breathing force of nature where justice, honor, and integrity hold immense significance. The Memorial Service on the lawn of the U.S. Capitol is a solemn event of solidarity, where thousands of honor guards from around the world line up to pay their respects as the families arrive. There is truly nothing like it, and it can be overwhelming in its beauty. My advice is to soak it all in and recognize that everyone involved is present specifically for you—the families of the fallen. While you may have already attended services and memorials for your officer back home, you have never experienced anything quite like this. For many of you, this will be the final memorial service in your journey of grief, so embrace it and share the moment with other survivors. It is a long and emotional day, but I assure you that it is worth it. Above all, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of attending the workshops and seminars provided by Concerns of Police Survivors (C.O.P.S.) for families and coworkers. Led by some of the best counselors and mental health professionals in the world, these programs are designed to allow you to share the uniqueness of your own grief and to recognize that you are not alone in your journey. Many officers and families attending Police Week often spend the time between the Candlelight and the Memorial Service sightseeing, missing out on these crucial seminars and workshops intended to help you understand and navigate your grief. Do everything you can to attend these events—they are some of the most healing moments you can experience as a survivor. One of the most surprising aspects of my inaugural Police Week was the number of families and coworkers who return year after year. I initially assumed that most people I was meeting were first-year survivors, but I quickly realized that many returning survivors come specifically to give back and help those who are newly grieving. They understand the journey because they have walked in your shoes, making it a truly humbling experience. Many of us struggle to express our grief appropriately. I challenge you to utilize the resources available during Police Week and take the opportunity to grieve with others who are on the same path as you. The support services staff are trained peers and counselors who have their own journeys of grief and are there to assist you. I encourage you to take their advice and listen to their insights and expertise. Somewhere around 2012 or 2013, several peers and I were sitting together one night after Police Week, discussing how incredible and healing the experience was. We contemplated what it would be like after our retirements to create a nonprofit organization that provided the same type of support staff year-round, rather than just one week a year, to help departments and families dealing with tragedy. This conversation sparked the idea for the Warriors Rest Foundation. The partnership between Warriors Rest and C.O.P.S. was established through Police Week, and its mission is carried out every day across our country. When you visit the Support Services desk, be sure to learn about the resources available to you, your family, and your department through C.O.P.S. and Warriors Rest. It is our honor and privilege to assist you. While I understand that this is a week no one wishes to attend, I hope you recognize its value for surviving family members and coworkers. National Police Week was established to honor our fallen heroes, and while it fulfills that mission, it has also committed to supporting families and coworkers, ensuring that you will never have to walk alone. Our officers deserve the honor and respect bestowed upon them this week in remembrance of their sacrifice, and so do the surviving families.

Most individuals have months, dates, years that live with them forever due to the memories that happen throughout their lives. This is no different for Mike and Melita Whitfield and their family. On July 24, 1999, Mike and Melita rejoiced and celebrated the marriage of their youngest son, Marty, only to have life come full circle for them less than three weeks later when their oldest son, Deputy Marcus Whitfield, was killed in the line of duty. Like many survivors, the loss of their son made them feel lost in their grief and unsure of where to turn. “We had no idea which direction to go,” Melita explained “As we went along, people reached out to us from C.O.P.S., a lady by the name of Beverly Coates. She helped us out a lot.” Experiencing peer-support during the grieving process allows for connection and growth. After meeting others that have been through the death of a child, Mike and Melita realized they had others to lean on and who they could truly relate to through the loss of their son. “C.O.P.S. has helped us a lot over the years,” Mike said. “From the connections we have made to even learning about how to navigate the difficult trial process.” 2024 marked the 25th anniversary of their son's end of watch. Mike and Melita look to continue honoring Marcus by continuing to assist other surviving parents during a time no parent should ever have to experience. Mike and Melita Whitfield Surviving Parents of Deputy Marcus Whitfield Greenville County Sheriff's Office EOW 8/13/1999

Growing up, Amanda Walker Rose recalls being a close family that did virtually everything together. It was important to her father, California Highway Patrol Lieutenant Michael Walker. When he received the gift of spending both Thanksgiving and Christmas with his own family in 2005, Lieutenant Walker volunteered to work New Year’s Eve so that other officers could enjoy the holiday with their families. That evening, Lieutenant Walker succumbed to injuries he sustained when he was struck by a vehicle. “We found out early the next morning and our lives were turned upside down,” Amanda said. Four months later, Amanda and her family found themselves at National Police Week (NPW) honoring and remembering her dad. They were all searching for ways to navigate their grief on their own. “May of 2006 was my first introduction to C.O.P.S.,” Amanda explained. “It was the very first time that I was in a room with people that ‘got it.’” Following NPW, Amanda attended Kids Camp, Outward Bound®, and Adult Children’s Retreat. Now as an adult, she gives back to these programs by mentoring at both Kids Camp and Young Adults Camp. “Getting to come back as a mentor is a childhood dream come true,” Amanda said, “I couldn’t help but have the attitude that if I got through it and I am finding my way through I can give back to other kids that are doing it.” In December 2023, Amanda obtained her degree in Psychology/Counseling, noting her grief journey and experience C.O.P.S. directly influenced her career path. Having a first-hand perspective, she looks forward to providing a comforting support system as a mentor to surviving children well into the future. Amanda Walker Rose Surviving Adult Child of Lieutenant Michael Walker California Highway Patrol EOW 12/31/2005

Kim Cessna was just 15 years old when she started volunteering at her local state park. As she connected with the conservation officers, she became interested in the field of law enforcement for her future, later interning with the conservation police and securing her path. Kim started her career with the Urbana (IL) Police Department and switched to the Illinois State Police, retiring in 2020. It was during this time that she lost two friends and co-workers in the line of duty; Sergeant Rodney Miller (EOW 5/12/2006) and Trooper Ryan Albin (EOW 6/28/2017). Kim found out that her state had an incredible C.O.P.S. Chapter. Even more so, she fell in love with their successful bicycle fundraising ride, Cycle Across Illinois. Coupled with her love of riding and honoring her fallen brothers and sisters, her passion for helping survivors led her to serve in a greater capacity within C.O.P.S. She has since served as a mentor at both Kids Camp and Young Adults Camp, represented on the Strategic Planning Committee, and was elected as Illinois C.O.P.S. Chapter President in 2024. For her efforts, Kim was awarded the Charles Shinholser Award for Volunteerism during National Police Week 2024. “Throughout my law enforcement career, I received many awards and recognitions. But winning the volunteer award was on a whole different level because this organization is full of people who deserve this award,” Kim said. “I am humbled each time I am asked to be a part of something C.O.P.S. related. I am forever eternally grateful to the families and the life-long friendships I have because of C.O.P.S., and I will continue to be so ridiculously passionate about this organization that people think I am a little crazy.” A common statement by surviving co-workers is that they don’t think of themselves as survivors, but Kim has a different perspective and some advice on that. “This organization is for us, stop excluding yourself because you don't feel like you are a survivor,” Kim said. “Give it a try and just keep showing up for things. I will 100% guarantee after you take the first step, you will realize this is the family you didn't know you needed.” Kim Cessna Surviving Co-Worker of Illinois State Police Sergeant Rodney Miller EOW 5/12/2006 & Trooper Ryan Albin EOW 6/28/2017 #SurvivorStories

"Miss Sunshine" was an appropriate nickname for New York City Police Detective Shantay Neal-Baker, EOW 8/14/2021. Her sister Trina Neal-Mitchell explains how she had an undeniable ability to see the positive, flip the situation, and convince you to see the positive. She always saw the good in everybody. When Trina talks about her sister, she is most proud of how she set out to change the narrative of policing, especially in the rougher areas of New York City. Trina said, "She wanted to go into the troubled communities and be the person who built bridges and established trust. She wanted to erase the negative stereotypes that certain communities had about law enforcement." When her sister succumbed to complications from COVID-19, Trina made it her mission to make sure that everything that was good about her sister lived on. “Tay Day” was created and is now held around September 17th, Shantay’s birthday. "Tay Day" is a day for the community to gather and gain resources that empower people of all ages. Some of the resources available are reading circles sponsored by the Department of Education and public library, wellness screenings from the American Cancer Society, and a Lupus Walk held in Shantay’s name as she was once an ambassador of the Lupus Foundation. Trina started attending her local Metro New York C.O.P.S. chapter meetings, now serving as Trustee. “When we get that call that another officer has fallen, we go to the family and let them know we will cry with you and be there with you. We are proof that you don’t ever forget, but you can take your pain, and you can get to the other side of it,” Trina said. “We empower each other.” Trina has also taken on the role of committee chair for “Friendsgiving”, which is an event that invites all local law enforcement personnel who play a role in lifting up survivors to gather for a meal and allow the survivors to say, “thank you.” Trina said, “We want to make them smile.” To her fellow survivors, Trina says, “You owe it to your hero to put one foot in front of the other. I want you to love on yourself and do something that your hero would want you to do for yourself. They want you to be happy and healthy. You’re not being disloyal to them to hit pause on the pity party. Leave it there for a moment and laugh again. Do something beautiful for you as a gift to you from your loved one.” Trina Neal-Mitchell Surviving Sibling of Detective Shantay Neal-Baker New York City (NY) Police Department EOW 8/14/2021 #SurvivorStories

I was overwhelmed with the amount of support available throughout my entire experience, from our honor guard from Cook County taking care of every need to the Illinois COPS program making sure that my family and I were Ok. Without Illinois C.O.P.S., there's no way that I would have been able to attend such an exceptional emotional event honoring my late husband, Allen Giacchetti. I also need to extend my sincere gratitude to Caitlyn and Debbie from Illinois and the entire C.O.P.S. organization; none of this would have been possible without them. I will be forever grateful. Angela Giacchetti Surviving Spouse of Officer Allen Giacchetti Cook County (IL) Sheriff's Office EOW 4/30/2021 #SurvivorStories

My Brother, Deputy Brandon J. Nielsen was a police officer for St. John the Baptist Parish in Laplace, Louisiana. He was killed in the line of duty on August 16th, 2012. Brandon was a cops’ cop, loved what he did, and loved being a part of his community. Brandon loved his motorcycles and always said he was making it do what it does, in his Louisiana accent. Brandon was a jokester and can be so crude, but so loving at the same time. He was and still is the best brother I could ever ask for. Anyone would be so lucky to have met and been a part of his life. He left behind 2 daughters who were 6 and 13 when he was killed, 3 step-sons, our parents, and 1 niece who was 3 at the time of his death. There isn't a day that goes by that he is not missed or talked about. I hope I am making him proud every day. I was introduced to the C.O.P.S. organization exactly 1 year after my brother was killed. I attended Sibling's retreat in 2013 for the first time and at first, was not wanting to be there. I am such a people person, but being there thinking I was the only one who suffered such a great, tragic loss was not something I wanted to re-live again and again. Being there in 2013, I realized that I was not alone, I was no longer the "only child", and I met other siblings who were going through the same thing I was. My brother's death was felonious and having to go through the court system was not fun, but knowing others were going through the same thing, really did help me. I have attended Siblings Retreat every year after that and found my group of siblings my brother left me after his untimely death. Each year I went with different feelings, and my "Siblings" were there every step of the way to make sure I was not alone in those thoughts. They really helped me through my healing process and some of them were even at my wedding in 2021, attended my wedding, and even officiated my wedding. I felt as though my brother was there the entire time because I was able to share that special day with my newfound Siblings that came from my brother. Without the C.O.P.S. organization and the Hands-On-Programs of Siblings Retreat, I do not know where I would be physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I cannot thank this organization enough for healing me when I needed healing, protecting me when I needed protection, and helping me navigate through this new life I was given. I cannot thank this organization enough for having me not be the "only child" anymore, and for bringing me the people I needed the most to go through life together and love on and be loved on. Thank you C.O.P.S and all my Siblings for saving my life. JJ Granger Surviving Sibling of Deputy Brandon J. Nielsen St. John the Baptist Parish (LA) Sheriff's Office EOW 8/16/12 #SurvivorStories

I’m the daughter of Officer Charles D. Cole Jr., a long time officer at the Nassau County Police Department in New York. My Dad helped with rescue and recovery at ground zero after 9/11 and succumbed to 9/11 related brain cancer that spread throughout his body on August 14, 2011. Before his cancer diagnoses, my Dad was full of life, had an amazing sense of humor and was always referred to as a cops cop. He was always making jokes and pulling pranks, and loved his job with a passion. Not only was he a police officer, but he was also a firefighter and started off as an EMT in NYC, so he did it all. Once he became sick, the strong funny guy we all knew and loved slowly faded away, the hardest part of this all was watching him turn into another person, practically helpless. It was heartbreaking, especially when you’re only 15/16 and have your whole life with him ahead of you. I often think about the what if’s and how life would be with him here. It’s hard, but I know he’s with me every day. I’ve met so many amazing people after my Dads passing and C.O.P.S has also been a huge support system for my family. It’s a beautiful thing to have a family in blue also, I appreciate every one of them. I will always honor my father and will always proudly back the blue. Meagan Cole Surviving Adult Child of Officer Charles Cole Jr. Nassau County (NY) Police Department EOW 8/14/2011 #SurvivorStories

"To all, I am so sad to tell you that June Murdock, Surviving Co-Worker of Alexandria (LA) Police Officers Jeremy 'Jay' Carruth, David Ezernack, EOW 2/20/2003 and Patrolman Brian Coleman 2/21/2007, passed away last night around 9 PM. June was an incredible lady who gave so much of herself to others. She spent her whole life in service to others. Her goal at National Police Week (NPW) was to find the new survivors who looked the most lost to make them more comfortable and to make it just a bit easier for them. And she did. What a gift she was to C.O.P.S. and many of us personally. She will be so missed. I know many of you worked very closely with her and the volunteers at NPW. My deepest condolences to all who knew and loved her, especially her husband Rusty,  her family, and her best friend Ms. Pat." - Dianne Bernhard, Executive Director of Concerns of Police Survivors