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The following story is that of Erin Billa-Bolton, surviving spouse
of Mobile (AL) Police Officer Justin Billa, EOW 2/20/2018.
It was around midnight that I woke up to use the bathroom. I got back in bed and figured I would check my phone. Normally, Justin wouldn't text me after we had said goodnight but I always checked just in case.
When I looked at my phone, I had a message on Facebook Messenger from one of the girls that he had graduated the academy with saying “Has anyone contacted you?" My initial thought was that's strange , but I was calm. At that point I tried to call Justin three times. No answer.
Okay , I thought, he's on a call . I pulled up Facebook to see if he had been on recently. When I opened Facebook, a live stream from the news popped up.
"Officer shot!"
Panic started to kick in. It wasn't him, couldn't be. But, he wasn't answering, so I needed to know he was okay. I looked through our phone bill and found his partner’s number since I didn't have it. I called her and she answered.
She was crying.
Any ounce of calm in me was gone at that point. I asked her "Is he okay?" She just kept saying, "I don't know Erin, I don't know." So, I hung up with her and called 911. We lived in the county, so when I called it was county dispatch. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I do remember the dispatcher saying, "Ma’am, we're going to send a Deputy to your house."
I yelled back, "I don't need a Deputy! I need to know if my husband is okay!"
At that point, I think they figured out who I was and
connected me to city dispatch. Someone came through the phone and said
"Mrs. Billa, someone is on their way to your house.” The whole time I
never once thought he was gone. I was thinking okay, he's been shot but he's
probably in surgery and he's going to be fine.
Then the knock on the door came. It was the Chaplain, an Assistant Chief and a friend of ours. I opened the door, and they came inside. Chaplain said, "I'm sorry, there’s nothing else we could do."
An entire hour had passed since I woke up to the message on Facebook. It was easily the most chaotic hour of my life. I often think about what that night would have been like if I hadn’t received a message that way. There is hardly anything that could have made that night okay, but the hour I spent confused and alone until the knock on my door came is not okay.
It was eleven short months later that we had another officer killed in the same department as my husband. I was just about to board an airplane when I got a call from one of my officer friends letting me know that an officer had been shot. After finding out who it was, I got on Facebook to look up his wife. As I was looking her up, I see officer after officer posting, “RIP brother” or something to that effect.
I called my friend back and asked if the officer’s wife had been notified. He told me that someone was on the way there but that she had not been informed. My heart sank. I looked her up and, sure enough, she is online. All I could think was here she was at home, her husband was not answering his phone and everyone was posting “RIP brother”. It was time for my flight to take off and there was nothing I could do. Another spouse, with an hour filled with nothing but chaos thanks to social media.
While social media can be such a great tool for staying connected, it has taken so much away from some survivors. These are just two examples of people finding out about their loved one’s death through social media, but there are hundreds more. I do not have the answer to this problem, but I do think the problem can start to be addressed through departments.
No one can control the media, but what can be controlled is the posting prematurely by other officers. There are some rules set in place for social media for most departments regarding the integrity of what is posted. Why not make a rule stating that nothing should be posted about a line-of-duty death until an all-call email goes out stating that all family members have been notified?
I understand that the officers also lost a brother in blue, but it is so important that family members are properly notified. This is the beginning of a long and never-ending journey of grief. There will be so many things that will have to be figured out. At least, by proper notification, there is one less thing the family will have to sort through and deal with as they process all of the other emotions that come with losing our officers.
C.O.P.S. thanks Erin for sharing her story.
C.O.P.S. has been training agencies for decades on the immediate steps to take when a line-of-duty death happens. The way a family is notified can have effects for many years. One of the concerns that has been happening much too often is survivors finding out about their loved one’s death through social media.
People are quick to change their profile picture to the department’s badge, post requests for “prayers for the officer and their family”, or start sharing the local “breaking news” posts. Although these things are done with good intentions, these posts can be devastating to survivors who have not been officially notified by the department.
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