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October 20, 1977, that date is burned into my memory and I have often relived it like it was yesterday. That was the day my world shattered. That was the day my Dad, Cheektowaga Police Officer, David J. Tolsma was killed in the line of duty.
I may have only been 7 years old, but I was Daddy’s little girl and he was my everything. I will never forget the look on my mother’s face when she told me Daddy was never coming home again. My 7-year-old brain could not comprehend what she was saying and I sat at our front window every morning for weeks waiting for him to return home from 3rd shift. I don’t know when or if I ever stopped hoping.
Growing up in an era where single parent families were looked down upon, no matter the circumstances was difficult. We were not allowed to attend things like Daddy daughter dances, father son camping, even though my mother and friends Dad’s tried to step up for those occasions. I spent most of my childhood angry, my teenage years rebellious and my early 20’s lost.
Then entered C.O.P.S. While researching ways to pay for college, I found out there was this organization supporting survivors; so, I reached out. In 1988 they were such a young group, there wasn’t much they could offer, but never the less, I asked to be put on their mailing list. In 1998, I sent in my story to be published in the 15th Anniversary Yearbook. After which, I became active in my local chapter. It would still be years before I had the courage to participate on a larger level.
In 2011 I attended my first Adult Children’s retreat, which changed my life for the better! For the first time in my life, I was surrounded by people who actually understood me and my grief. I heard people say things that I had only thought happened to me. I heard people describe their feelings, feelings I thought only I had. That year I dove in head first, also attending Board Chapter Training, CISM training and completed my first 25 miles at Harper’s Ferry COPS Walk.
I have now attended 11 retreats, many chapter trainings, NPW, completed 200 miles for COPS Walks, held the offices of Secretary and President for the Western New York C.O.P.S. Chapter, I have made many friends who I consider family and helped many new survivors learn about how C.O.P.S. can help them begin to rebuild their shattered lives.
I will be forever grateful to everyone involved with C.O.P.S. for their dedication to survivors and will continue my journey in healing and giving back to the organization that no one ever wants to be a part of but would be lost without.
Kim Knox
Surviving Adult Child of
Patrol Officer David Tolsma
Cheektowaga Town Police Department (NY)
EOW 10/20/1977
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